To Do: December 8th, 2009

Who doesn't love Christmas? Who doesn't love the art of beatboxing? Who doesn't love Dave Canseco? This may be the most perfect video ever made. God blesses everyone!

To Do: December 2nd, 2009

Woo boy it's been a long time since Dave has done a little to do video, let's check in and see what he's been up to. What's that? Dave has a new special friend?!?!?! I'm so happy for him! That fucker who said nice guys finish last can go to hell. Congratulations Dave, love isn't dead after all.

Well I know I have one reader

Dooo da doo da dooo. Oh let me just take a gander at warming glow, what's this development news"

NBC GREENLIGHTS CRIME-SOLVING MAGICIAN. Yeah, those words just happened. Crime-solving magician. Variety: “The concept centers on a master magician whose career is in ruins after he develops stage fright and agoraphobia; an elite law enforcement agency recruits him to take an unusual approach to cracking tough cases.” *praying* Listen, God, I’m sorry if I’ve doubted you recently. Just send the swarms of locusts, okay? Anything but this. Amen.

WHAT? SERIOUSLY? NBC?! AGAIN!!!


Jesus NBC, I knew you were desperate for ideas, but stealing from this crappy site?! I don't even post that often. You could do better, much, much better.

I'm really proud of this

My girlfriend's dad sent me this link.

This is the letter I wrote in response:

To whom it may concern:

My name is David Canseco, I'm a 28 year old community college student with dreams. Dreams that have yet to this day never been accomplished for you see all my life I've only wanted to do one thing and that is to be a world renown magician who moonlights as a private investigator.

My parents laughed at this idea, my friends call me an idiot, no one believes in me, or my dream. But I still dare to dream. Dare to be a magician who runs a small yet successful private investigation firm out of his apartment. Dare to make large buildings disappear, dare to get in long drawn out car chases through the hills of Malibu in my 1978 GTO,because dammit this is America the land of opportunity, the land where dreams come true.

I think in total this little dream of mine will cost near or around $150,000 for magic lessons and supplies as well as getting bonded and trained as a private investigator as well as my late 70's American made muscle car. Yes, it is a lot of money but consider this an investment in one hell of a future.

My phone number is ### ###-#### and i've attached some photos to let you know what a looker I am.

Thank you,

David Canseco

Thank You!

I'd really add more but I'm sure I'm the only one that'll see this.

Blow up my car

My car has been the bane of my existence for the past 2 years please vote for this video and help me preserve what was once my sanity. Thank you.

Dave

Yeah...

It's amazing how quickly a night can devolve into drinking irish whiskey and listening to pain-killer era wilco.

Bee Debate Public Access Show

This week we study the effects of introducing africanized honey bees to middle america, not really the captain just cries about his dead son again.

Why I love craigslist

So I'm going to take some time off from my Conan O'Brien to share with you all the greatest single response I've ever gotten from a craigslist ad. Let's turn back the clocks to 2007 I was just moving into a 3 bedroom apartment and I needed to find a 3rd roommate so like anyone I put up a craigslist ad. A few days later I got this response:

"Thanks for getting back to me...everything sound cool and alright,......wenny...27yrs of age from usa,i will like to secure the room before my arrival and i will be checking in 2week time... the deposit fees will be made out to you soonestto avoid any delay.Here is little about me,Am very humble and easy going lady.. i do modelling and humanitarian work for a living, i love my work becos it make me travelled alot...i was born in usa , but presently i will moving in to the usa finally from Belgium , so all the paymentarrangement is being take care of by my boss, i love swimming,and going to cinema house..i love to makepeople laugh, i bet it you will enjoy having me asyour roommate, am not married, no kids.i love to enjoythe best of life... i will like to have the full name,address, city,state, zipcode, home phone,cellphone.so that i can get this across to my boss for quick payment for the deposit, becos is a busy man, he will be speaking onbehalf of me .but i will tell him
to call you anytime but in the meantime you can get back to me with the information to avoid any delay with your contact details for the payment...i will love to read more of you and also if you have a pics of youself and the room you can send it to me.i will be looking forward to read from you"

Unfortunately Wenny didn't end up taking the room, and my heart still aches to this day.

THE SINGLE GREATEST CRIME IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY

Hi everybody! Hey why don't you go ahead and watch this video above. Go ahead! It's fun! Oh getting a little bored? Why don't you fastfoward a bit, let's say to the 6:15 mark of the clip. Oh hey there's a cute little dance! One that looks oddly familiar...Where have I seen that before?



OH SHIT THAT'S RIGHT THAT'S MY DANCE! DAMN YOU CONAN O'BRIEN DAMN YOU TO YOUR DIRTY GINGER HELL THAT YOU WILL ROT IN FOREVER!

Hello Finsnation!

So as I was trolling along FinsNation today, something I'm akin to doing because well my job fucking sucks, I noticed that co-editor/ all around stand up fellow Dat Roro Kid gave this here little site a shout out. Well, for those of you coming here from that fine site I would like to give you a little tour of some of my greatest hits.

here
here
here
here

That should keep you bastards busy for a little while at least. Oh and go fins.

I'm a male model not a male prostitute

Just got this e-mail:

New Faces Closed Audition

Please do not email back. I will not get it. Thank you!



Hi,



I am with the New Faces Department.



After reviewing your pictures we are very interested in your look and want to see you in person to discuss your marketing ability and potential.



We have three closed auditions for your convenience.



Where:

New Faces

1800 Century Park East, 6th floor.

Los Angeles, CA 90067

Ask 1st floor reception desk for New Faces Department. You must have your photo I.D.



When:

Thursday: May 7th, 2009 Time: Between 7:30 and 8:00pm

OR

Saturday: May 9th, 2009 Time: Between 2:00 and 3:00pm

OR

Tuesday: May 12th, 2009 Time: Between 12:00 and 1:00pm

Site News

Yeah, I'm going to be doing some work around here soon. Probably taking this site in a new direction, other than you know merely just existing. Anyway check in the next couple days and don't be afraid to say hi!

Dave's Booze Bash Memories

And so here we are the final of three Booze Bash videos. I hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me. Guessing that I'm the only person who will ever read this post I'm going to say yes it is. Have fun and see you kids tomorrow night!

The Mule's Booze Bash Memory

And so here's part 2 of 3. Tune in later this week for our thrilling conclusion.

Booze Bash Memories

Made some videos over the past weekend to hype up the annual Swaekauski and Dave (Plus Mueller) Birthday Booze Bash. Here's Alex looking back on some of his favorite Booze Bash Memories. Check in this week for some more!